my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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