i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
