Sober January is a disaster.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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