Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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What drink are we having for lunch?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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