im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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