i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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