News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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