my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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