My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How naked do you want me to be?
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