the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
