I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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