WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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