my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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