I accidentally burped into my bong.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize