I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
