ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
