sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
