Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
