After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
