A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize