So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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