You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
