im six kinds of drunk right now
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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