why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
