I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
how does that bad decision feel?
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