Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
