My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
