When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you never un-have a 4some
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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