then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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