Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
