I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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