did you get engaged???
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
