...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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