WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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