It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
