I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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