I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's blow job season.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
