On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
