thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
