he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
