The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
