and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
