Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
