The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
