So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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