if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
