I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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