the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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