i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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