I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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