Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize