But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
