we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
