Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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