i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
