OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
