erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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