You just made me feel so damn special
I accidentally had phone sex last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
