On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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