Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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