My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
