we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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