One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
