That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize