last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
