he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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