hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
