Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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