im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
