let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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