I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
