Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
