I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
