she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
