It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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