It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
