I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
